You probably read the title thinking about that last fight you had with a coworker. Or maybe you were thinking back to that last time you fought with your sibling or even a good friend. You’re thinking about you might have blown up and said things that you didn’t mean. Or maybe you went another route and gave them the silent treatment until the other person ultimately would HAVE TO see your way.
Why are people so selfish? Why doesn’t anyone listen to reason anymore???
Well, I’ve got news for you broham, it’s more likely than not, that it’s YOU who’s being selfish and who would benefit more from listening to reason.
Let me splain…
You see, for the most part, when we run into any kind of conflict we do one of two things. Get ready to fight and defend ourselves or get ready to run. Or better to say, avoid the conflict by staying quiet.
The key to any discourse is to have a goal in mind. It’s too often that when we run into a conflict, (yes I’m including myself) we lose our cool and stop being rational and think to win rather than to cooperate.
I’ll give you the number one rule to winning every argument right now. You ready? The number one rule is that YOU CAN’T WIN. Winning is not the goal. You know what is though? Finding a solution that you and your partner can agree on so that you can possibly work together in the future.
You and I both know that once a conflict goes sour, there’s no coming back. It’s like the whole relationship changes, so in the face of conflict doesn’t it seem more beneficial to try to understand where the other person is coming from?
I’ve personally struggled with this, but I’ve been putting forth a conscious effort to learn effective methods of communication. Not only for personal reasons but so that I can be sure that all business negotiations are a win-win. So here are 3 questions that I’ve found helpful to ask myself when I feel that I’m starting to lose my focus during any interaction.
1. What do I really want for myself
2. What do I really want for others
3. What do I really want for the relationship
Pretty simple, but oh so effective at helping you to snap out of fight mode and into “let’s work this out mode.”
Well, that’s all I got for you today. Check in soon for more on how to shine brighter in life’s defining moments.
Jerry “negotiation station” Washington
P.S. I admit I didn’t come up with this on my own. In fact, I don’t come up with many of the tips I have for you on my own. They all come from books or lectures. This particular email came from a book called Crucial Conversations. It’s a best seller and I highly advise you to check it out if you are having any issues with getting your point across…Talk soon!